World Without Cars Dictionary


v.2.3.5(February 4, 2001), ©"Trekkie Dad"

The World Without CarsDictionary is "dedicated" to Mike Vandeman, UsenetKook of the Month for May 1998,and winner of the Unabomber Surprise,whose tireless efforts to eliminate off-road cycling (in order to build moregolf courses) by annoying readers of alt.mountain-bike and other newsgroupshave been to no avail. To our knowledge "mikey" is the only person weknow to be a member of the "World Without Cars" organization. If youhave never heard of "mikey", please read the Mike Vandeman FAQ beforecontinuing. Do not read this without placing your tongue firmly in cheek! As an appendix, offers this poem.

New addition: Trekkie Dad's "Ode to a Usenet Kook"

To go to Trekkie Dad's mountain biking pages,click here.

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air freshener -- safe alternative to mace,must contain fluorocarbons to be effective.

alt.mountain-bike-- usenet forum where mountain bikers come to be educated about their destructivehobby.

anecdotal evidence -- as irrefutable asscientific fact when supporting a WWC position.

Army Corps of Engineers -- a famousenvironmentally responsible organization

auto dependence -- when mountain bikers findit necessary to transport their bikes to/from trailheads. WWC members who driveto trailheads (or to work) are NOT auto dependent.


banana -- forbidden fruit, since shipping bybike from Central America would cause even the greenest banana to spoil.

belligerent boor -- see mountain biker

bicycle -- 1. two-wheeled vehicle to beridden on pavement only (preferred if it has three speeds and costs $35 orless.) 2. replacement for all other forms of transportation.

biologically ignorant environmental rapist --anyone who has ever disagreed with WWC positions or considered riding a MTB(including Martha Stewart). also see mountain biker

bogus statement (see lie)-- any statement that disagrees with WWC dogma, sufficient evidence to classifythe author as a mountain biker

boring -- of interest onlyto mountain bikers

broken bottles -- when placed in trails, andeffective means of telling mountain bikers that they should ride elsewhere.

bulldozer racing -- officially sanctionedsport of the WWC (since bulldozers are no longer used for road construction).


ca.environment-- among several usenet forums devoted to receiving WWC cross-posts regardingoff-road cycling and mountain bikers.

cattle grazing -- acceptable use of wildlands (as long as the cattle are not used as off-road vehicles).

censorship -- 1. any attempt to categorizemessages posted by WWC members as off-topic or unwanted. 2. battle cry of theWWC.

criminal -- mountainbiker

cross-posting -- universally acceptedpractice by which WWC members expose the destructiveness of off-road cycling(and mountain bikers' lies and threats of violence) to the world.


derogatory remarks -- universally acceptedpractice by which WWC members may generalize mountain bikers.

discussion -- Proclaiming WWC dogma tomountain bikers, and ignoring responses.

doublespeak (see lie)--any opinion or fact stated by a suspected mountain biker that remotelycontradicts WWC dogma.

Duh! -- 1. not -so-secret call sign of theWWC 2. erudite statement that validates all WWC arguments


East Bay Regional Parks -- a privateplayground of the WWC.

Ehrlich, Paul -- guru and prognosticator tothe WWC, despite the inaccuracy of his doomsday predictions.

environmentalist -- 1. any one who NEVERrides a bicycle off-road. 2. bulldozer racer. 3. golfer. 4. tree hugger. 5. aman who will protect wildlife from everyone but himself.


famous biologist, famous herpetologist -- anally of the WWC who wishes to remain anonymous (see professional courtesy)

friend -- car-owningspouse of WWC member. WWC members do not own cars, but their"friends" do.


golf -- recently discovered to be the primaryreason WWC opposes mountain biking, as mountain bikers have prevented theconstruction of golf courses.


harassment -- sending email to WWC membersthat isn't sufficiently obsequious in its praise.

hiking -- an activity that is eitherdiscouraged or allowed, depending on Vandelogic(tm).

hiking shoes -- shoes with no tread.

honest -- any viewpoint expressed by oragreeing with a WWC viewpoint.

"honest" mountain biker --imaginary ally of WWC who has seen the light and given up riding off-road forgood. (See sockpuppet)

honest person -- anyone opposed to mountainbiking

hunting -- an environmentally friendlyactivity endorsed by the WWC.


IMBA (International MountainBicycling Association) -- totally ineffective organization devoted to spoilingas much wildlife habitat as possible through the use of mountain bikes.

idiot -- a person who looks in booksreferenced by WWC.

idiot censor -- any of the five moderators

idiot filter -- A system that supposedlyfilters the incoming email of WWC members. Works erratically. Included for freeat <>

illiterate -- any person (presumably amountain biker) that disputes WWC dogma.

irrelevant -- 1. any fact the contradicts WWCdogma. 2. any point that cannot be refuted by a WWC member.


junk science -- any argument defendingmountain biking's minimal impact on the environment.


legitimate discussion -- 1. a discussion inwhich WWC views predominate. 2. any discussion in which the WWC member's wordsand thoughts are right and true. 3. the set of all topics WWC members wish todiscuss.

legitimate source of information -- WWCmember or other honest person. Excludes any source favorable to mountain biking

libel -- any information about WWC or itsmembers not posted by them.

lie -- anything said by amountain biker that contradicts the truth as defined by WWC members.

misspelled word -- sure sign of a mountainbiker's authorship (unless authored by a WWC member).


moderated news group -- one in which mountainbikers actually discuss off-road cycling (see boring).

moderation -- thinly disguised censorshipdesigned to remove the WWC's presence from newsgroups where it is not wanted.

motorbike -- equivalent to a mountain bike,when it comes to studies of trail damage and habitat destruction.

mountain bike -- 1. most ecologicallydestructive weapon known to the WWC. 2. any bicycle ridden off-pavement. 3. anybicycle with knobby tires (which are capable of crushin animals UNDERGROUND!)

mountain biker-- (syn. liar, belligerent boor, biologically ignorant environmental rapist) 1.destroyer of wildlands. Has no feelings and refuses to read. Constanly yells,except when approching hikers (and is then deadly silent). Indistinguishablefrom others when not riding a bike. 2. anyone who defends mountain biking ordisagrees with a WWC member. 3. anyone who sends "abusive" email to aWWC member. 4. anyone riding a black Huffy to the store.

murder -- an acceptable topic for anewsgroup, where murderers come to be educated about their destructive hobby(but not as destructive as off-road cycling!)


natural -- whatever a WWC member says it is(changes daily)

net abuse -- any newsgroup posting contraryto official WWC positions.

netiquette -- 1. a thinly disguised form ofcensorship. 2. rules that apply to mountain bikers, but not to WWC members.

nuclear weapons -- OK if used in anenvironmentally responsible fashion. (At least it will keep the habitat"human free")

numerous speaking engagements -- at leastseven but fewer than ten.


OBVIOUS -- what isperfectly clear to WWC members, but incomprehensible to a mountain biker (oranyone else).

off-road driver -- soccer mom in a sportutility vehicle

off-roadvehicle -- anything capable of carrying a human on a trail, be it wheeled ornot. ("I oppose all off-road use of vehicles, including animals.")This includes horses, elephants, water buffaloes and wheelchairs.

off-topic post -- any reply to a messageposted by a WWC member, especially messages posted by suspected mountainbikers. Messages posted by WWC members are ALWAYS on-topic.


Pacific Bell -- regional telecommunicationscompany that refuses to employ suspected mountain bikers due to their lack ofhonesty.

Pedal Express -- company which transportsgood by bicycle exclusively. WWC advocates replacing all other forms oftransportation (air, train, truck, ship, etc.) with Pedal Express.

polite society -- where mountain bikers donot belong.

puerile point -- a point which completelyescapes WWC members' thinking.

pure habitat-- any 20' by 20' backyard plotwhere BIKES are BANNED but cats are allowed to roam freely and harmful insectsare undisturbed.

professionalcourtesy -- concealing the names of unwitting (or nonexistent) allies of WWC.(See sockpuppet)


rec.animals.wildlife, rec.backcountry, rec.bicycles.soc-- among several usenet forums devoted to receiving WWC cross-posts regardingoff-road cycling and mountain bikers. -- usenet forum wheremountain bikers have installed "idiot censors" to cut of alloppostition to their hobby.

regulations -- rules ignored by WWC in itspursuit to tell mountain bikers the truth.

relevant -- anything posted by WWC members.

road -- any surface ridden on by bicyclespictured in Sierra Magazine. May be composed of asphalt, concrete, rock, dirt,or sand.

road biker -- any bicyclist pictured inSierra Magazine, irrespective of where or upon what they are riding.

road construction -- ecologically destructiveactivity that was successfully eliminated by WWC (which is why the WWCsanctions bulldozer racing).


salmon -- energy efficient mode oftransportation, second only to bicycles,sci.environment -- see rec.animals.wildlife

semantics (some+antics) -- word game playedby WWC members that exposes the intellectual inferiority of mountain bikers.

Sierra Club -- an organization that entersinto a deceptive agreement with IMBA in order to placatemountain bikers.

Sistine Chapel -- where the pope doeswheelies on his Merckx and the Cardinals participate in matched sprints (atleast they don't disturb wildlife!)

sockpuppet -- derisive(if accurate) term given by mountain bikers to imaginary WWC supporters.

spamming and threats -- email responsecritical of a WWC position. See unsolicited email

supreme court -- any court that rulesoff-road cycling is not a constitutional right.

Synanon -- Mother of the WWC.


tire deflation -- a favorite harassmenttactic employed by mountain bikers. The target of this heinous act of vandalismis a car belonging to a "friend" of a WWCmember. (WWC members do not own cars, but "friends" do, even if theyare married to WWC members.)

threatened species -- any animal, plant, ormicro-organism believed by WWC to have been killed by a bicycle.

too far -- any place WWC members refuse tobuy goods from, regardless of the actual distance said goods may have traveled.

trail maintenance -- ecologically destructiveactivity, especially when mountain bikers participate.

truth -- 1. World Without Car's officialpositions on wildlife and biology, despite lack of acceptance by anyoneeducated in the field. 2. What Mike Vandeman thinks is true, wishes were true,or says is true.

two sided debate -- a debate in which bothsides are critical of off-road cycling.


UMB -- unidentified mountain biker,especially one who threatens, harasses, vandalizes, attacks, sends unsolicitedemail, and deflates car tires.

unsolicitedemail -- any message sent by a suspected mountain biker to any member of WWC.Email condemning off-road cycling sent by WWC members to subscribers of cyclingmailing lists is never unsolicited.


valid criticism -- any statement condemningoff-road cycling.

valid reason -- nny reason approved by andagreed upon by WWC members.

Vandelogic(tm)-- the method by which all WWC members' positions are self-proven. Isn't it OBVIOUS?

Vandenoia -- the irrational belief that oneis constantly being harassed and threatened by mountain bikers.

Vandequote -- any quote taken out of contextfor the purpose of furthering WWC arguments.

violent attack -- any threat (real orimagined) against a WWC member or the car belonging to a friendof a WWC member.


whipsnake -- 1. any species of snake that,while frightened by the vibrations of knobby tires, is strangely attracted tothe sound so that it throws itself under the wheels of any passing mountainbike. 2. religious icon of the WWC.

wilderness -- land with no human impact.

Wildlife and Recreationists --Shortened tiltle of a work often quoted out of context (or merely referred to)by WWC members.

wildlands -- privateplayground of WWC members. A federal court determined there is no right to takebikes into wildlands, but guns, cattle, bulldozers, and chainsaws are OK.

win-win situation -- only occurs when WWCcomes out on top.


Zoo -- (submitted from alt.usenet.kooks) A place, not in thewildlands, where WWC members are housed in cages for the general amusement ofother people.

Submissions to be considered for inclusion inthe dictionary should be emailed to submissions become the property of Trekkie Dad, who may alter them to fithis sense of humor.

The "World Without Cars Dictionary"is copyrighted ©1998 by "Trekkie Dad". If you are a mountain biker,you may post a link at your web site provided you notify Trekkie Dad of itslocation.

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